Lavalife? More like GETAlife

Group

Group Name

Macrosoft

Group Members

Andreas Ahn

Karin Quan

Elizabeth Wong

Joanne Yeung

Argument

The amazing growth of online dating has lead to the de-humanizing of people, and as a result has put technological barriers between us. Online dating needs to be stopped!

History of Lavalife

1996: Lavalife, formerly Interactive Media Group, bought Webpersonals.com

1997: Webpersonals.com was started as a free online dating service.

2001: www.lavalife.com was launched, and was combined with wepersonals.com

Membership and visits grew by numbers between 100% and 400% each year since 2002

In 2007, Lavalife started charging a monthly fee. As a result, it’s growth has started to slow down.

History of Online Dating

Online dating is a type of dating system that allows individuals or couples to meet online and possibly develop a social, romantic and/or sexual relationship. Online dating is a computer dating system that is a relatively new concept over the last ten to twenty years. A newsgroup called soc.singles was one of the first sites where people could discuss issues, be silly, flirt, share embarrassing moments, let your hair down in conversation. These were text pages they read, answered and added their comments on. This group was unique and disorganized but a place for people around the world to get to know each other. Alt.romance was the next big newsgroup on the scene. They had a collection of articles on the subjects of love and romance. They also posted frequently discussed questions and answers about the topics of love and romance. It is one of the earliest actual dating sites known.

Only five years ago people did not feel comfortable saying they met someone online for fear of being judged as desperate. Now it is an accepted form of dating and meeting someone. Today it is a very popular and common service for people to communicate with other people. It has gone through many changes and is one of the most searched topics on the internet today. The number of elderly users is increasing, sites are more geared to friendships and there will always be more ways to send and receive messages. It is here to stay!

How Online Dating Works

A basic human impulse is to have a romantic relationship, be loved and fall in love. In today's world there are a lot of obstacles that might keep someone from meeting the love of their life. Is the typical old bar scene not your cup of tea? Does your place of employment have a company policy that does not allow co-worker dating? Trekking through a grocery store does not put you in the mood to meet the love of your life? People of all ages, lifestyles and locations have been facing the same dilemma. A new solution has arrived to help lonely hearts find their soul mates: online dating. Online dating is simply a method of meeting people. Give it a shot; getting started is a simple and safe process. The first step would be creating your profile. Mind your grammar; spelling mistakes and poor grammar does not lead to a good first impression. Take your time to do it right. Your profile is what other members are going to read and decide whether you sound like somebody worth pursuing. An effective profile would describe you and what qualities you are looking for in someone else. It should be as unique as possible. You can sit back and wait for other members to begin corresponding or you can start checking out profiles of other members once your profile is posted. You can initiate conversation with somebody who caught you eye and sounds interesting. As well as corresponding via messages there are other activities and ways to communicate you can partake in.

Safety Tips

1. Anonymous Dating

You can maintain your privacy by remaining anonymous. However, this could also result in people acting like someone they are not, therefore you are meeting someone you don't really know.While there are not many people like this, they do exist. Most dating sites don't screen their members. You should exercise caution and common sense in your communication with other members.

2. Overseas Contacts

Be especially careful in communication with members from other countries than your own. Some people might try to use your limited knowledge of those countries to take advantage of you. Sometimes they may even be able to convince you to send money overseas. Consult immigrations officers before meeting someone overseas.

3. Getting to know each other

Never give your personally identifiable information to anyone you do not know well. Use the website's anonymous messaging system for the first contacts. Ask many questions and listen to their answers: · Do they answer the questions you ask? · Does their story seem credible? · Don't they avoid certain questions, such as their marital situation, who they live with etc? · Aren't they too sweet and seem to agree with everything you say? Those are the red flags that should make you cautious.

4. Sending photos

"A picture is worth a thousand words". Ask people for their photos and send them yours. If they never ask for your photos, this is strange because everyone wants to know what the person they are dating looks like! Don't send old photos or photos where you don't look like your real self: once you meet in real life, the picture should match the person behind it, or they will feel disappointed. But it does not mean you cannot send pictures that present you in the best way: send a photo of yourself with a happy smile; it's always a winner! When your dates look at your photos, they try to figure out what type of person you are: if you look grumpy, they will think you are grumpy. If you look happy and easygoing, this, too, is what they will think of you. If you do not have recent photos, ask a friend with a digital camera to take some pictures of you. Choose the best shots only and erase the ones you don't like. Ask your online daters how recent the photos are they sent you to avoid a possible disappointment.

5. Giving away your email address

Only give away your personal email address when you feel comfortable with your communication. Register a separate email account for this purpose, and only use it for your personal correspondence. If something goes wrong in your relationships, you can always close down this account and open a new one. Keep asking questions and discuss different things. If all your communication seems to be going one way, then they probably have their own agenda.

6. Giving away your phone number

When you feel comfortable with the person you have been emailing to, give them your contact phone number, preferably your cell number. Don't give away your work number (or your work email address), ever! After all, you don't want someone to email your boss or phone your office, in case the relationship does not work.

7. Meeting face to face

After you have emailed one another, and talked on the phone a few times, it's time to meet face to face. If people are happy to communicate with you online but don't want to use the phone or meet you in person, this might be due to the fact that they have misrepresented themselves. Real, honest people that seek love and partnership don't want never-ending virtual courtship; they want the real thing.

Only meet in a public place for the first date, and preferably, set up a time limit for the date. For example, you can say you only have half an hour before a business appointment; this will help if the date does not go as you hoped for. A 'coffee date' is a safe bet. If you are a woman, never go to unknown places; instead, suggest your own variant of a place for the meeting, where service personnel knows you, at least visually. If a man is decent, he will honor your request.

Tell someone that you have a date with a person you have met online; it can be your mother or a sibling, a person, who will not judge you. If you don't feel like telling anyone, make a note about the person you are meeting and how you got to know him/her, and place it where this information can be found; just to be safe.

Have your own transport to get home from the place of the meeting; better still, have a friend to fetch you. Never allow your date to take you home, even if something is wrong with your car. Phone a friend or call a taxi instead. Make sure you are not followed when leaving the place of the meeting - especially if no one has shown up.

When you meet your date, don't jump to conclusions straight away. You might unintentionally create an image in your mind, which is different from the real person; this is not their fault; give them a chance. It's quite common to feel awkward at first; simply relax and try not to concentrate on the outcome: doesn't matter if they like you or not, you are still enjoying the date. If you need to concentrate on something, concentrate on having fun! If this helps, remember that they are also nervous and they can only hope you will like them.

Smile! Nothing helps to break the ice better than friendliness and openness. Talk about something that you have shared in your last emails, so that they feel you are indeed the same person they have been talking to for a while.

But still, use caution. Have your mobile phone with you. Don't leave your drink unattended. If you have to leave the table, order a fresh drink on your return.

Pay for yourself. If you decided to never meet this person again, do not tell them about it on the date. Tell about it in an email. If the person asks how the date was, tell them: 'Great! I will email you tonight'. It's not easy to face rejection, so make it as polite and nice, as you can.

8. Advancing your relationship

If you enjoyed the first date, keep seeing one another for a while before moving further. Don't progress too fast; you must really get to know the person before deciding to have a relationship of any kind. If the person shares with you a land-line phone number, presents a business card etc, those are good signs: they trust you and want to continue the relationship. It's now up to you to decide, whether to accept their invitation or not.

Most of all - HAVE FUN, because this is what it's all about. Some people will not be what you are looking for, and you cannot be right for everyone. But if you persist, you will be doing better and better. It takes loads of rubble to find gold. Remember that each encounter is a learning experience that can make you more successful. You may be yet another person to find your soul mate through an online dating site - just like thousands of other people before you!

Pros of Online Dating

Online dating processes many pro's which in turn can benefit individuals from trouble which they can experience in a person-to-person date

Straight to the Point Aside from the physical attraction portion of dating, online dating opens the possibility to not only look for the physical attraction but instead to find what really matters, the emotional attraction which truly is what matters when looking for the right "partner". For men it is easy to understand women through the online dating aspect if you can find the key points and phrases throughout the acquainting process. For women, this is easy to find the right man who you can have the emotional connection you require. Therefore, with online dating you can get straight to the point in emotionally connecting with the right person, yet not knowing them physically.

Get the Most Out of your Spouse Online dating has a slight resemblance to shopping. With popular online dating sites, technological sophistication has made it possible to seek exactly what your looking for from race, size, age, gender, or sexuality. With big sites reaching up over million people, your likely to find many, if not one person who meets your criteria.

Not Much Effort Involved Unlike going to the clubs having to spend lots of money and using corny pick up lines, online dating doesn't involve much effort at all when it comes to money, or having to dress up and find the right pick up lines to use. It can be done anywhere in the world at any time.

Avoiding Embarrassment Rejection is a hard moment to swallow but with online dating this can be slightly reduced. A part from that, you may be talking with many people simultaneously so one rejection might not seem to be that big of a problem for you. For women, it’s good so they don't meet the wrong person so they don't spend unnecessary time with someone who they don't see a future with.

Comfort some people naturally have the talent to act cool and smoothly in a new confrontation, but with the good comes the bad ones. Online dating takes the ease off people so instead of having to act all qwerky around a new person; they can talk with their natural confidence in the comfort of their own homes.

Cons of Online Dating

There are many cons of online dating with the obvious ones being security and dishonesty.

Security: the ultimate risk of meeting someone who you don’t really know.

Once people feel that they’ve got your trust, they have the ability to produce harm and may even harass you. Anyone can sign up just to look at profiles even if they are not interested in dating anyone.

Dishonesty: people can say whatever they want about themselves and give false impressions.

Pictures Can Lie: Photos are often an important component of online dating profiles. Unfortunately, some people post photos that were taken many years ago, or that are extremely flattering and not very true-to-life. If you remind yourself that he probably doesn’t look as good as his photo, you won’t be disappointed. People Can Lie Too: In an effort to get more responses, or in some cases to deliberately mislead, some people lie in their online dating profiles. Don’t believe everything you read—if he sounds too good to be true, he probably is. An example would be someone claiming to be single when they are actually married. Other prime examples would be lying about their appearance, social and economic status, or, in some cases, age and gender.

Other cons:

Beware of Free Online Dating Ads: Some sites allow people to post their profiles and respond to others for free, but unfortunately these free sites often attract wierdos or perverts. It’s important to check out the site carefully before you join. Online Dating Costs Money: Many online dating sites will allow you to view other people’s profiles before joining, so you get an idea of who’s available. But they often charge to let you reply to a profile, and here’s where you need to be careful. Check out the membership dues and rules for each online dating site before you join, especially if you provide a credit card number. Make sure you know exactly how much it will cost, whether you’re signing up for an automatic renewal that will be charged to your credit card, and what you will need to do to quit the online dating site when you’re ready. In some sites, men outnumber women. People may sign up to collect email addresses and scam them out of money. Unreal: The love or any feeling you have towards a person maybe unreal because you haven’t really met the person. You may have a good relationship online but when you meet face to face, there is a possibility that the chemistry is not there. This will be one of the risks because you have to distinguish fantasy from reality. Since the process is usually fast, intimacy may not be felt or may not last that long.

Infidelity

Is online dating encouraging infidelity?

According to CBC Marketplace, nearly 18 percent of online users are married or are living with common-laws. The numbers are increasing as it is easier for people to log onto the internet to associate with others online rather than going out where it is possible to be spotted. Online profiles allow others to “elaborate” on their own personal information or pictures that attract another fellow user. Many users go online to establish a long-term relationship, may it be romantic or friendly, users usually are not looking for online flirting, and rarely looking for marriage.

Why are people resorting to online dating as a form of infidelity?

Creating a relationship with someone else online instead of face to face is much more discrete and less of a risk to be caught by their significant other. It could be considered innocent flirting because some would think the act of actually meeting up is unfaithful, not through the use of internet. Online dating sites make it much simpler for one to find someone with the same interests. It is listed out and categorized for one to choose.

Is online dating dehumanizing us?

Creating an online profile requires one to list their interests and this puts one into a category. They are then added onto a list for others to choose from, if one stands out in someone’s eyes, they are selected to initiate conversation. This process seems to not only dehumanize one, but they become just another username that is available in what seems like an endless list.

Creating a false sense of trust and intimacy

The lack of contact and knowledge of each other makes it much easier for someone to open up to another. Having online conversations or relationships with someone outside of their immediate group of friends is like having a separate world of their own. A world where one cannot judge the other because of the lack of knowledge and the lack of raw emotions that can only be achieved by face to face interactions.

Self Confidence

Online Dating a Solution for Low Self-Confidence?

WHAT is Low Self-Confidence?

People with low self-confidence usually look at themselves negatively. They are not content with themselves and do not believe in themselves, whether it be their abilities or their appearance. Self-Confidence is how we are able to go out and accomplish goals that we set. When there is a lack of self-confidence people do not go out and set these goals, therefore have nothing to aim for and in turn feel that they are not successful.

WHY Low Self-Confidence?

There are many causes of low self-confidence, and the cause may not always be the same for each person. How a person was brought up as a child plays a significant role in whether or not an adult is confident. Some other causes are fear, guilt, and unrealistic expectations. Examples of each are:

• Fear: fearing something or a situation may prevent a person to pursue that “something”, causing a sense of uneasiness, which in turn causes a decrease in confidence

• Guilt: having a sense of guilt also prevents a person from taking action in fear of feeling more guilt.

• Unrealistic Expectations: having unrealistic expectations (such as setting unrealistic goals) may lead to disappointment. To prevent further disappointment, a person will, again, cease action.

HOW is Online Dating a Solution for Low Self-Confidence?

Since each person is able to create their own profile on a dating site, the information they decide to put up is completely up to them. This is a definite plus for a person who is lacking self-confidence, especially if the lack of confidence exists in the area of physical appearance. Information on a profile could range from 100% true fact, to mostly true with a few enhancements here and there, to complete lies; anything that will make the individual feel more confident. The fact that online dating does not involve socializing with the other person face to face also helps those who find it difficult socializing in person. There are even sites which are specifically catered towards target groups of people based on interests such as sports, political views, hobbies, and professions. These sites provide a sense of comfort for the self-confidence lacking individual; a place where they are able to relate with others.

IS Online Dating A Perfect Solution for Low Self-Confidence?

Although online dating sites provide a less intimidating place for people lacking self-confidence to go and meet others, these sites do not necessarily help in building self-confidence. Body language is a large part of dating. Body language helps represent self-confidence of the individual and with online dating, body language is a definite loss. Although providing a comfortable environment for those lacking in self-confidence, online dating does not help in building self-confidence. When skills, such as body language, are not put to use, there is no way for those skills to grow, which in turn affects the growth of confidence. Therefore online dating sites do not only provide a comfort zone, but this comfort zone becomes a hiding place for low confidence.

Mistakes made in online dating (from lookbetteronline.com)

1. No Picture, No Chance!

Let's be honest-looks are important. Sure, personality is crucial and character comes first, but if you don't get those butterflies in the belly when you see your partner's face, your relationship's got a shorter life expectancy than a J.Lo marriage.

Profiles with pictures get around ten times more responses than those without, and for good reason: anyone who writes to a cyberdater without knowing what they look like is taking a huge risk. What do you do if the e-mails go without a hitch, the telephone calls last hours, but when you meet face-to-face, you find you've been talking to Quasimodo's twin? It's too early for 'it's not you, it's me' and if everything else has gone well, you've got nothing left to blame but looks.

Upload a picture, and you'll get far more responses to choose from. Pick a partner with a picture, and you can put any future problems down to personality.

2. High Hopes, Low Rewards

Have you ever noticed how the people who have the most dates always seem to be the people who need them least? They're the happy-go-lucky types, the ones with a joy for living who could find a silver lining in a tornado. There you are, sitting at home alone on Saturday night, dreaming of being on a perfect date, and they're out every night without any effort at all.

It's got nothing to do with looks and everything to do with attitude. Successful daters, online and off, regard dating as a chance to meet new people, not a chance to get laid or pick up a wedding ring. If the date doesn't work, well heck, maybe the date's got friends, and at least they've got a new one.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make while dating online is to expect the next person you meet to be The One.

S/he might be. But you won't know it for a while. Lower your expectations, look on each date as a chance to meet someone new, and you'll find yourself meeting new people all the time.

3. Dull Profile, Dull Partners

Okay, we've already said that picture's are important, but the profile is vital too. There are millions of profiles on dating sites across the web-you want to be sure that your profile is interesting enough to both catch someone's eye and capture their interest.

Bunging on any old description filled with typing mistakes and boring clichés is a big no-no-unless you want someone equally boring to write back.

That means you're going to have put in a bit of effort. When you first register to a dating site, by all means write anything just to get the profile up. But once it's up, sit down with a pal, a bottle of wine, and a big bucket of fun, and have a ball putting together a profile that's witty, exciting and attractive. You'll find that like attracts like.

Tip: Need help with yout profile? Order a Profile Makeover from LookBetterOnline.com today! Click here for more details.

4. The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing Like The Truth…

'Witty and exciting' is not however the same as a complete pack of lies. Just because potential dates are complete strangers is not a good enough reason to stretch the truth.

Fibs are no less a mistake in online dating than they are offline.

Remember, every stranger is just a friend you haven't met, and you wouldn't lie to your friends, would you? Well, you wouldn't want to start a new relationship with a lie, anyway.

Be brave. Put down your real age, your real job, your real hair color. Save the whoppers for the taxman.

5. All Speed, No Substance

While love may come at first sight, it rarely comes with first click. There's very little you can tell about someone from their first e-mail, the first phone conversation, or even the first date.

It's a mistake to think you can move from mouse click to heart click in a matter of days.

Online relationships tend to take longer than those take place offline. The reason should be clear: any e-mail says little more than you can find out in the time it takes for a waiter to open a bottle of wine. What you can learn in an hour offline could take you a week on the Web.

Take it slow and enjoy the process. Hedge bets and talk online to lots of different people at the same time then whittle them down. Don't rush off with the first person who comes along, or you'll find yourself answering lots of e-mail and having very few dates.

6. Give Up, Stay Single

And it doesn't just take time to get to know someone new; it also takes a while to find someone you want to build a relationship with.

It's a mistake to expect all your dating problems to end overnight.

The real advantage in online dating is not speed or convenience (although that's certainly a major plus!) but the easy availability of the easy and the available. On the Internet, you should be prepared to meet lots of different people and over a long period of time.

You'll certainly come across lots of duds before you find a live one, but don't judge all the fish by the first ones you hook. Keep casting until you land the kind of catch you can bring home and boast about to your pals.

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Conclusion

In conclusion, after weighing the benefits and cons of online dating, our group found that the risks outweigh the benefits, and online dating should be avoided. Although many websites make claims about success stories, these cases are about 15% of all online dating stories, and again, this is not worth the risks taken.

For a video example of the online dating process, please go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzhPHElNuRo&NR=1